Jenny Kay

I was talking to James today about how I want to get back to doing things that I find fulfilling, like knitting and writing. And about how those things that I enjoy doing just feel like work when I don't have enough time to myself. Right now, at the end of the day, all I want to do is fall into the couch and not move or think until it's time to go to bed.

I read about all these moms who work and take care of the kids and throw elaborate parties for their children and write and self-publish three novels. And I just feel inferior.

It's hard to remember not to compare. I don't know what their child care situation is. I don't know how much money they make (or how much their spouse makes). I don't know their debt, their living expenses, the ways in which their parents bolster their lives. I only know my little story.

It doesn't keep me from wishing I could do more...

Sunday was perfect.

Of course, there was much stress leading up to Sunday to make it perfect, and I forgot the cheese and the ketchup, but really, it was perfect.

Lily was baptized in the morning. She was super squirmy up at the front of the church, so I finally put her down and she took off. The pastor was like, "Would someone keep an eye on her please?" while we went through the vows. I collected her and she just barely allowed herself to be baptized, then almost refused to go with the pastor to meet the church. It was cute and frustrating at the same time. I joked that she's definitely her father's daughter, running away from her baptism.

We came back to the house to change for the Grove. Lily opened her presents. My favorite was the Little People Noah's Ark. I opened it after she went to bed and played with all the animals.

The Grove was beautiful and we got two picnic tables together. They were pretty out of the way and not exactly next to a grill, but it worked out. We had quite the spread. Lily and Camdyn played in the water, everybody got lots to eat, we relaxed by the lake. It was the quintessential summer day.

Lily refused to nap and passed out as soon as she hit the car seat. It was about 4:45 and other than a few nursing sessions, she slept through until morning. We've been having really bad sleep lately, so this was blissful.

James brought Carolina home, Lily was sleeping, everyone had gone home. I had a clean, quiet house all to myself for almost two hours. Heaven! I showered, then got some chips and some iced tea and read a totally fluff book until James got home. We had dinner and I read some more until I went to bed.

I told James that the day was pretty much everything good I remember from childhood: sun and sand and water with relatives and friends. I said that I hope we can give Lily a ton of days like this.

And I wouldn't mind a few more for me, either.

Here's the second in my column about reading books to Lily.

http://www.tcextra.com/news/publish/compass/The_Reading_Life/1732900.shtml

( Text under here )

Feeling obligated to post something, though I have little to say.

Things are going along, a little better than usual. This makes me happy. Also, the weather is supposed to stay sunny and in the 50s for a couple of days, which helps.

We're taking an overnight trip to Saratoga Springs tomorrow. James will be attending the New York Press Association conference while Lily and I gallivant. The hotel has a pool, which we will check out, and Saratoga Springs has a children's museum, where we will make a stop. There is also a mall and a park. We'll see how those fit in.

I'm really looking forward to the trip. It's only about a two-hour drive, and the room I booked should be pretty nice. I'm hoping for fun.

Why, El Jay, why? Why did you add games?